Miss Litter

And That's Fab

2007-10-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

Kennedy's playing live in Paris right now. What are you doing that's so great?

Cooper + Tom Cruise = Get Your Crazy On

2007-10-01T07:38:00.001-07:00

My biggest fear is that my brother Cooper will turn out to look like Tom Cruise one day. He's been cute all his life. When's he gonna turn ugly? Life's not fair.

Ask A Feline: Stolen Laptop

2007-09-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Steve asks: "When I'm at a cybercafe and the urge strikes me that I need to run off to the loo, is it safe to leave my pc unattended next to a mac guy? Most of my mac friends won't even allow me to carry my laptop up to their flats, so what would they want with a pc?"

Moxie responds: Why do people always answer their own questions?

Steve, you are right to remain as unconcerned as you are. No mac geek is even going to know how to power up your toy computer. They'll offer clever excuses, like "I don't do windows." Ha ha, whatever. Bottom line: they don't know jack about fuzzy drives.

Vowels

2007-04-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

When people call me affectionate, cooing names like "Princess..." and "Sweetie..." I feel like a miraculous cat! Especially when they extend their vowels. I wish I wasn't so easily wooed.

I wish I were more independent. Maybe this summer I'll plan to get away. Just for a short trip so I can feel alive again. Find myself. Wait, what am I thinking? I could never leave the food and all the company! I don't even like leaving the house.

Daily Show Blue

2006-09-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

I just saw this from Jon Stewart, when the Daily Show returned after 911. It made me cry.

Miss Litter Wallpaper!

2006-08-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, are you ready? Big announcement: Miss Litter and Dig Litter wallpapers! Yes that's right! Over the week, my human was away a lot - enough for me to take online photoshop training with Lynda.com. (Lynda is cool. Big plug.)

So I put together some fun desktops. I admit that I designed Cooper's wallpapers... but HE made up his own slogans. So blame him for their lack of taste.

Go back through the rest of our sites, and you'll see I swapped out many of the old pictures for new wallpapers. Every one is unique and hand crafted and totally free. Enjoy.

Kennedy & Coffee

2006-08-09T07:28:00.001-07:00

Life is so unfair. I live in a prison where I can only smell coffee and only imagine Kennedy performing live.

Perre left for Urth Caffé just now. And what do I do but sit and wait? Sit and wait, while he runs around like he enjoys life. Maddening. I've never even been to Urth. The farthest I get out is to see the vets and although that sounds like a great punk band, "The Vets" is nothing but a steel table in a temporary holding cell for those of us least able to defend ourselves. Geneva Convention need not apply. Masked humans probe and prod, but they never get any information out of me. They don't even ask. I don't see the point. Anyway, back to my main complaint:

The kicker? Tonight, my human's getting a bunch of friends together to see Kennedy perform live. LIVE. I LOVE KENNEDY, and I never get to see him. Unfair.

Oh, The Musical Kind Of iPod?

2006-08-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, the OTHER kind of iPod - the music kind. Well, that's even easier to explain. The iPod is the first song people learn on the piano - it's a rudimentary waltz played with two fingers that start together and get further and further apart. Once the song wears on the nerves, it repeats. Its more popular than you'd expect, given how annoying it is.

I suppose people are attracted to the iPod's simplicity and how easy it is to learn.

Another easy-to-learn musical device is the Flea Waltz. But it's like a bad song you can't shake - singing in your ears all day. No amount of scratching can rid you of it.

iPod Missives

2006-07-31T07:18:00.001-07:00

Apparently, EVERYBODY and their grandmas emailed to explain how great their iPods are (see my comment some weeks ago).

Do you really think I can't find out myself? I looked it up on wikipedia, and it's pretty self-explanatory. For those of you still in the dark ages, an iPod is a set of two thin sticks that cosmopolitan humans use as a tool for porting raw fish from a plate to their mouths. It's less efficient than their fingers, but it's all the rage so everyone is doing it.

Cooper-Moron

2006-07-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, my god! Cooper made up another word: doublemoron. Enough said. Perfect.

Bo Home

2006-07-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back.

Dog came by yesterday. He's got a southern name, a 1969-Dixie-Flag-Adorned-Orange-Dodge-Charger-kind-of-name: Bo. As in, "Don't look now Bo, but look." and "Why, Daisy if you wasn't my cousin, I'd marry you." A hog-tie, rumble-tumble rough-fider kind of name.

Last time, Bo left me alone while I was under the bed. So this time, I stayed there until he went for a walk with the humans. But one nap later, he was back with a fury, running through my apartment with abandon. Before I could escape, the humans scooped me up and gave me to Bo for dog food.

Dog, it was awful. He sniffed all around me.... Stay perfectly still. Wait for it to pass. It will pass. That's all I kept telling myself. Dog does not exist. Dog does not exist. Dog does not exist.

Then I hissed. Couldn't help myself. I hissed and he pounced. Barked a terrible awful bark. Worse than his bite? I don't know. I tried not to stick around, but as I said: psycho humans had me trapped. The humans went crazy grabbing Bo's collar. My eyes were bright, and one would think I was taking everything in, but in fact, I could see almost nothing. I heard shouts of No and suddenly everything went slo-mo on my ass:

A n i n c h a w a y f r o m m y n e c k I f e l t t h e f o u l b r e a t h o f D o g a s h e l o o k e d d o w n o n m e w i t h j u d g e m e n t: Mealtime.

The next few minutes are a blur of near-death experiences. Have you ever watched X-Files? Think that, times one fifth.

You can say what you want about me. But I learn quickly. If I so much as move, if I so much as hiss, if I do anything, if I exercise ANY free will... dog pounces. Dog doesn't like free will. When I gave up, once I let go... things got a little bit calm. Bo sat there with a tilted head, and seemed to get bored.

Moxie's Last Sigh

2006-07-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoons used to be lazy days when I could spread out on my human's Vanity Fair and catch up on the latest J Lo gossip. Those are bygone Sundays. Now, there's only one Sunday afternoon left: the afternoon of the big fight. I've been called out by a bully after school, and there is no where for me to run.

As you might guess: Bo is coming this weekend. My days are numbered. Four to be exact. So obviously, this will be MY LAST BLOG.

Clock ticking. On sunday afternoon, in a moment of chaos, I become dog food.

The end of my nine lives - that is sad, but what saddens me above all else that I'll never post another boring episode for my fans.

It is the fans that I live for. You are the reason I fight. The reason I live. The reason I breath. The reason I stay off drugs. The reason I quit pre-med and watch ER instead. The reason I get so much R&R - so I have energy for you... Let them say: She did it for the fans. And let them be right.

This is such a Ziggy Stardust moment, I can almost hear you all whimpering out there in the dark theatre of the internet. Mourning my loss before it's happened. Reading these words and knowing they are my last. Thank you.

Signing off permanently and forever and ever, Moxie

Napa: A Near Miss

2006-07-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

It's no secret. I keep my ear to the floor.

There was talk around the apartment that Bo may have visited over the weekend. I am overjoyed to say, this did NOT happen. Bo is a large hungry dog whose human must constantly remind him: "Cats are friends not food, Bo!"

Now let me say... these are the least re-assuring words I've ever heard.

If choppers like those need reminding, then the best place for me is WAY high up. As high up and as fast as my non-edible legs will carry me.

Luckily, Bo's human got detoured to Napa Valley for the weekend. Near miss. Thank god for California wines.

Aveda Girl

2006-07-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

A hundred and two percent of my life is wishful thinking.

I wish I could stretch my wings and fly off the balcony, but alas, no wings, and so the birds continue to taunt me.

I wish I didn't enjoy the taste of Aveda products... an upset stomach is a thing to witness, not to endure.

I wish dustbusters made a little less noise.

I wish I didn't suffer god's once-a-month curse for being a lapcat (...flea tonic).

I wish my tiny liver could tolerate cocktails and caffeine because, let's be honest... the lifestyle is appealing. But perhaps the two-c's is the rudimentary mystery that separate pets from our humans.

Pirates Of The Apartment

2006-07-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'll be quick today because I know you're all going to see Johnny Depp tonight. And I'm sure you can't think of anything else. I wish they let us in theatres. I guess I'll have to wait until it's on DVD. Sigh... like always.

Cooper made up the dumbest word. Catninja. Which is short for Cat-Ninja. He's been going on about it nonstop for a half hour. It should be Cninja but that sounds too much like Kninja, the word for K-9-Ninja. Anyone could have thought of Catninja. It's just the two words joined. It doesn't even roll off the tongue easily. He's so smug right now I could just rub his nose in it if he understood anything I said.

If only.

No Middle Earth?

2006-07-03T07:38:00.001-07:00

My three fans wrote in over the weekend to ask if I am a pirate or a ninja?

Survey says: a pirate, because a ninja knows if she's a ninja, and if I don't know then I'm certainly not a ninja. But isn't that strange: if you're not one, you must be the other? There must be more to the political arena than ninjas and pirates. True, I tend to favour universal healthcare and wild, youthful promiscuity, but I'm also conservative with spending and think promiscuity should be done in the privacy of your homes and not flaunted about in the streets like it's commonplace.

True, "the streets" are a bit unfamiliar to me, but my fantasy life more than compensates.

But to the point: Pirate vs Ninja? Isn't that a little too simple? Isn't there a middle ground between these two extremes? Like Wisconsin or Minnesota?

Hiyah!

2006-06-28T07:58:00.001-07:00

I found the funniest thing ever: Ask A Ninja! This must be what they call porn because the ninja videos are all over my human's computer.

I couldn't take my eyes off it. He's so NINJA! I watched every podcast this morning. I wonder if he has a name?

I'm sure he will hunt me down and think up some macabre method for killing this small feline just for saying what I'm about to... but... his first podcast was really reaching. Lucky I went backward and didn't get to that one until the end.

The ninja has a sophisticated sense of humor for a mass murderer. I wonder if he'd take that as a compliment? Maybe that comment will save my small bones.

Lazy Hands

2006-06-26T07:12:00.001-07:00

I like being a pet. At first I grew impatient at being confined. Eating the same food, coming when called, living between the same four... five, six, let's see... 14, 15 ... then around here... 26, 27, 28! ...living between the same 28 walls.

You see? Boring. But right there, it's the little things: I've never counted the walls. And some of them I got to count twice because they had two sides to them. Never thought about that before. And there you go: perfect material to blog about.

One benefit to being a pet is that humans never seem to grow tired of lazily running their hands through my fur. I take it that human relationships must be nice that way too.

The Ubiquitous iPod

2006-06-21T07:22:00.001-07:00

Truth be told, I'm Cooper's ghost writer. He has his own thoughts and everything, but he gets frustrated easily, especially with computers.

I love my iPod.

I don't know why I said that. My human always says it.

The Mystery Mooing Puppy

2006-06-19T07:58:00.001-07:00

I only have a couple of minutes before he'll be back. I'm having a hard time getting to the computer. My human works out on Monday and Wednesday and sometimes Friday. But this week he's been really irregular. He's spending ALL his time in front of the computer, and I keep seeing a dog making weird sounds.

I don't understand what it's about, but all the signs point to him leaving me for a younger puppy.

Meet Cooper - Brother From Another Litter

2006-06-12T07:46:00.001-07:00

If you haven't met Cooper yet, he's doing his thing over here: Dig Litter (Cooper's Blog).

Warning: don't stay long or Cooper will get a big head. He reads his stats daily. Or actually, he has ME read his stats to him. Sometimes when I'm feeling generous and he hasn't been bullying me, I pad on a few extra visitors so I can see him do his stupid guy dance. He doesn't know how funny he is.

Flea Drops: Caught!

2006-06-07T07:14:00.001-07:00

If I weren't a proper girl, I'd shout a thousand expletives! My human noticed I changed the calendar and fixed it! I got the flea drops this morning. Arrrgh! I don't know what's worse, the infernal itching or that poisonous tonic on my neck?

Fleeing Flea Drops

2006-06-05T07:52:00.001-07:00

The only time I can post is on certain mornings when everyone is gone and the human leaves his computer on (to download Jon Stewart). The internet is crazy slow right now.

I noticed in his calendar it says we're supposed to get flea drops on Wednesday. I wonder will he'll notice if I drag that over to next week? There we go. That'll give us a few extra days.

Okay, Who Are You, Really?

2006-05-29T07:28:00.001-07:00

Hi I'm Moxie!

Welcome to my corner of the apartment.

I don't know how people find my blog. I guess I can get popular if I tell my innermost secrets and scandalous stories about my life!

But I'd have to make it all up because my life is boring: Capital-B: Boring. I eat. I sleep. I lick myself. That's exciting (not). I never shower. The most exciting thing in my life is after it rains, sometimes I notice a trail of ants walking up the bathroom wall. Mesmerizing. Boring too.

Dust Buster (first post)

2006-05-26T07:00:00.001-07:00

When I think about the state of the house, the fur balls under the desk and lint near the back of the stove, I sometimes wish I wasn't scared of the sound of the dust buster. Because when it's off, and at a safe distance, it seems like the perfect size vacuum for me.